I let the alarm ring three times before I shut it off. I shoulda done that last night 'cause today was Sunday and I didn't have to go to work. I said to myself, "Billy boy, today you gonna take it easy." But before I could take it easy I have the fix me some breakfast. I looked in the fridge and there was some old boiled potatoes and I knew right away what I was gonna have.

I sliced me them boiled taters and cut me some onion and then some bacon. Got me some lard, and threw everything in my fryin' pan. Then I remembered some sausage and threw them in too with the other stuff I had. I even remembered the salt. The first thing I done when I walked into the kitchen was I turned on the coffee maker. It sure smelled good while it was doing its job and I've got me a cup of Java as soon as it was ready.

Muddy., my dog, was sitting next to the chair and watched as he always do. And I always tell him, "don't beg." Don't do no good, he's got his own mind. So I put my plate on the floor under his nose for him to get his share of the morning breakfast and lick the plate clean. Now I could look for my new book. I know I had put it someplace so M uddy couldn't get ahold of it and chew on it.

I been lucky I seen that book last week Saturday at the flea market at the old book stand. So now I had a new book. Well, not really a new book, but it was new to me. It looked expensive but all that the guy wanted for it was 75 cents. He said it was called a encyclopedia, "and everything you want to know is in there," he told me.

I am glad I bought it. They guy was right everything you want to know is in there. Me, I always wanted to understand Einstein and his Theory of Relativity and I finally could to study that theory. So I started to read up on it in the encyclopedia.

I am glad I did study his theory, which is really quite simple. He just thought about what time is and what space is and found out all kinds of new stuff. And I was amazed he did all that without a fancy laboratory or doing some of those experiments like the other scientists I read about. I guess he just walked around the garden and thought about space and then he thought about time then he walked inside and wrote it up.

I been studying Einstein about three times last week and was reading it again this morning. And right when I put my book away the phone rang. It was my buddy Paul.

"Billy boy," he said, "me and two of the guys that I work with are comin' over with a few six-packs. That want to get to know you, and getting' to know another guy is easier with a few six-packs and some chips. Maybe watch a game or play some cards. That okay?"

The two guys he brought with him was okay guys. Had a good handshake, no wash rag there. I grabbed the beer and shoved it into the fridge to keep it cold, 'cept for four cans for right now. We moseyed over to the living room and settled down. We must've talked for a maybe two or three hours about football and girls and movies, when Paul saw my new book laying around.

"Hey buddy," he shouted. "You got yourself a fancy book there. What you studying up on..? Maybe you tryin' to be one of them fancy intellectual dudes? Naw, not you, you ain't got it in you."

With all the beer and me I guess I dozed off a bit while the guys were talking, sort of not asleep and not awake. That's when I do my most profound thinking and I remembered what Paul asked me. I couldn't help thinking about that Einstein feller and his Theory that I had studied hard four times already .But then I heard Paul again, "look at that guy. I asked him a civilized question 10 min. ago and he fell asleep."

All of a sudden I came wide-awake and heard Paul say, "what the heck is the matter with you, going' to sleep on us? And what the heck were you mumbling about?"

I came wide-awake when he said that. So I figured I might as well tell him. "Well, Paul, you know that I'm sort of scientific minded. And I've been studying up on Einstein's theory of relativity. It's kind of hard but I think I got it."

"Okay Billy boy, tell us a bit about that Einstein feller, okay."

"Lemme give you a few examples. For instance, his theory says that things that move very fast will start shrinking. They will shrink more and more as they move faster and faster. And right there it dawned on me that I have proof of his theory.

Last year I was traveling to Phoenix on the interstate and I was going faster and faster until an Arizona state trooper was kind enough to remind me of the speed limit. He also told me the exact speed I had been driving. Same thing happened again this summer. And again it was an Arizona state trooper who took the time to inform me of the speed I had been driving.

Now that I think about it I can clearly see the connection between speed and shrinking. At the higher speed my bank account shrank more than at the slower speed. In fact, when I drive real slow, like during the rush hour here in Yuma, my bank account does not shrink at all. Yes, Albert got it right.

Another thing he said was that light from a star will bend when it's close to a really big thing like our sun. And some scientists went and checked it. They found out that the light from a faraway star really bent around the sun. They saw the light coming around the sun just a bit before they could actually see the star it was coming from. So they proved he was right about that also.

Just last week one night I was lying in bed so that dozing, not really asleep but not really awake. And you know, I love those times because it gives me a chance to ponder the deep questions of science. And so I started to think about astronomy and how the Universe is expanding at a faster and faster rate. And again Einstein's Theory tells you what will happen. It says that time moves slower as things move faster

He must be right. As the Universe speeds up, everything moves slower. That includes me. Me especially. And therefore also my hands. I can tell this is true if I compare how much I could do ten years ago during eight hours against how much I can do now during the same time.

There is an even better proof. As the Universe expands the distance between objects gets bigger. This is so obvious that I wonder why I had not thought before of Einstein when I walk from my house to the end of the block. It is definitely farther now than it was just ten years ago.

You know Paul, the world is changing so fast and them scientists come up with new things all the time. For instance, you know that heat is energy, right? Now they want to take the energy of the sun and make it into electricity if they do that they'll have a new ice age coming soon instead of that global warming they are talking about.

And don't get me going about global warming. People don't believe it, but I'm telling you it's here, it's here right now. Paul, you are a mechanic and so you know that heat makes things expand. Now, with the earth warming up it expands, it's getting bigger and bigger. A bigger earth has more gravity than a smaller earth and that makes things heavier. You can see that when you step on the scale at the doctor's office. You can see right away you are heavier now than ten years ago.

Let me show you one more thing what that bigger gravity does. Go ahead all you guys and stand up. Look down in front of you and you can see how part of your chest has already been pulled below your navel. Ain't the beer that done that, it's that global warming that's getting at you guys".