Jealousy and suspicion are terrible diseases and I fervently hope that I am now cured. I know when the cure happened. I can tell you the exact date and even the time of day when I was cured. I remember it vividly.

Telling my story makes me uncomfortable because it brings up memories I would rather leave buried. I don't like to hold up the faults in my character for everyone to see. But I also feel that I have an obligation to relate the happenings of that fateful day in the hope that some fellow sufferers, who like me, are afflicted with these diseases, can learn from my experience.

My wife and I had met on a beach in the Caribbean ten years ago during spring break. We spent a few pleasant days together before she had to return to Northwestern to finish her last year of college. I flew back to Phoenix and started writing my dissertation.

She had given me her address where she stayed and I wrote her an old fashioned letter that I had to mail in an old fashioned envelope since I had failed to get her e-mail address. I had an e-mail from her two days later. After a few chats on the Internet our relationship became more serious and we chatted every evening. Neither of us had much time, so our chats had to be kept short.

What came next was inevitable. We became man and wife two days after I landed my job with Biogen Research. Since I had to start my job immediately we spent our honeymoon at home, mostly on our Queen sized bed, acting like rabbits after a hunger strike. I was surprised that our neighbors did not complain, my wife is very vocal.

I couldn't get enough of her. She is such a vivacious, happy bundle of energy. She is always bathed in a cloud of sensuousness, a cloud that says 'here I am and I promise delights'. She always is flirty in the presence of a male of any size or age, although she herself is not aware of that, it is just part of her nature. Her parents had named her after a Greek Goddess, Athena. They couldn't have been more right.

I love to listen to her, no matter what she is talking about. Her voice is fairly low for a slim, petite girl, and it has a certain sexy huskiness to it that causes most males to notice their hormones going on alert. Surprisingly, she even manages to be liked by the majority of the tender sex we meet, although there are a few who want no part of her. I think that is just mostly envy.

Before we married we did have many discussions about the HOWs in our marriage. She made it quite clear that she believed in having rules, almost laws as it turned out. But they were benign and they made sense to me. I was just not used to having them presented as forcefully by a female as she did. I come from a world where men and women were called equal, except that men were more equal than women. I have changed, though.

I should give you an example or two of what I am talking about.

"In my house dirty clothes and socks belong into the hamper, not discarded on the floor;" she explained, "and all lights should be switched off if the room is not used. No use throwing away money."

I had no problem with these or the others she presented. As I said, I was just not used to the confident way of hers.

"There is one item about which I have especially strong feelings," she stated. "We are going to have our meals together, not separate, even if we might feel hurried. Meals should be a relaxing, pleasant time, and therefore I will set the table properly, sometimes maybe with a candle in the middle for dinner. I love you and I want as much time with you as possible. We have only one lifetime together and I want to make every moment count." I agreed with her wholeheartedly.

As time went on I grew more and more fond of her rule of getting up a few minutes earlier in the morning to have a leisurely breakfast together instead of wolfing it down my breakfast and running off with just a peck on the cheek.

About a month ago, on a Saturday, I surprised her in the kitchen in the morning while she was setting the table for breakfast. Athena had spread a new tablecloth I had not seen before. Its color was a cross of dark red and wine and contrasted nicely with the white carnations in their black on black vase.

The moment she finished her last minute table inspection I stepped behind her. I snaked my arms around her waist and brought my hands up. Athena needs no bra, does not like a bra and will not wear one. I share her dislike for bras, and not just on Athena.

As I held her, my hands made me recall the day I first saw her. She was walking past me on the beach flashing me one of her award winning smiles that held a hint of a promise. To her it was just an innocent, friendly smile sating 'Hi' to a stranger.

To me, being a lecherous bachelor student, it was a challenge. I had to get to know her. Three days later I had the chance. We were standing next to each other at a fruit seller's stand and I remarked about a strange looking banana variety. Soon we were engaged in a lively conversation.

Standing so close to her I became fully aware of certain anatomical features of her that made me even more determined to get to know her better. It was no wonder that I had this flashback as I was holding her, my hands on her anatomical features. The inevitable followed and breakfast was delayed this morning,

Athena took her shower first and then went downstairs again to the kitchen. I had just returned to our bedroom after my shower when the phone rang. I picked up the receiver and brushed my hair out of my face. It seemed that my wife and I had picked up the phone at exactly the same time.

"Is the line clear?" I heard a male voice asking Athena.

Her answer came in a low voice. "Yes, it is. My husband is taking a shower right now and then he will dress, so we have a minute or two. But hurry, I don't want him to catch me talking to a porn film studio."

"OK," the male voice answered. "We want you here at eleven tomorrow. You and I do the main scene. The one on that king sized bed that you said you would like to have at home. We have a guy from a major studio come over. He is looking for someone to do some really steamy scenes. We told him about you and how you really get into your roles, so he wants to watch you do your stuff. I suggest you already wear your sluttish miniskirt outfit with heels while driving to the studio. That will get you half way into your role before you even start. See you at eleven, Babe."

"Thanks, Hon. I am glad it's you and me together, I can hardly wait. Bye, Hunk."

I sat down on the bed and I think I was shaking when I finally replaced the receiver in its cradle. My wife a porn star? Wear your sluttish miniskirt outfit, he had said. I didn't think she had such clothes. Wouldn't I have seen them before? Well, no, not if she was hiding them. She probably does, after all, she is even hiding another life. And me believing that she is in Sales. Being in Sales seems to be true, though, selling herself. How could this be? Was this my wife who had promised to be faithful to me? Was this the girl I had fallen in love with walking through a Caribbean forest, listening to strange birds? I could hear her again imitating the calls of the birds we encountered.

I took a long time getting dressed, but when I came down for breakfast I was composed and acted normally.

That afternoon I took time off to rent a car. I was determined to follow her tomorrow to the porn film studio where she worked and see for myself. Since I drive a silver colored Ford I chose a car with a different color, which I left in the parking lot where I work. I was sure she wouldn't be able to spot me.

The next morning I worked till ten thirty, then drove home and parked a half a block from my house, on the opposite side of the street. My anger increased with every minute I had to sit in my car watching my garage. It opened at ten thirty and I was in luck, she turned left, I didn't have to make a U-turn. I stayed a safe distance back and then almost ran into her when I did not pay attention. She had slowed down to turn into a perking lot behind a big nondescript old building in the industrial district.

I followed slowly and parked three rows from her. She walked to the back entrance with her usual sway of her hips. This was a sexy picture in front of my eyes and despite my anger my hormones started to dance as I watched this beautiful and exciting creature in her miniskirt crossing the parking lot. The heels did wonders to her long, sexy legs and the dancing increased. I had to remind myself that I was not here to admire feminine pulchritude.

I was debating with myself what to do next, but after ten minutes I still had not come up with a definite plan.

Find her by chance in this big building?
Out of the question, I don't even have a name.

Ask a front desk clerk or receptionist?
He or she will ask what I am here for. Forget it.

Walk around in the building and find a movie set?
And get arrested for trespassing or as a "Peeping Tom'?

Wait until she returns?
That you can do in comfort at home.

I finally decided I should take a chance. I had noticed that the windows at the east end of the building had all been blocked off. If there was a movie set here that would be the logical place. Since the back door was not locked I entered there and turned into the nearest hallway leading to the east end of the building.

There the hallway turned left. After just three steps I stopped, I thought I had heard Athena's unmistakable sexy voice. It came from a door with a red sign that said DO NOT ENTER - STUDIO IN USE. A few quiet steps later I stood next to the door, straining to listen to the muffled sounds coming from the studio.

These were sounds I was familiar with. They were the same sounds that came from our bedroom when my sweetheart was in the throes of ecstasy. I could hear Athena's voice rising in volume. "Yes... Yes.., .... Oh God."

She carried on as she always does with me when she is really excited. She definitely was excited now.

Just then a door to my left opened and a woman stepped into the hallway. When she saw me she looked me over for two, three seconds and then approached me.

"Can I help you find the office you are looking for," she asked in a low voice.

"Oh no, I am waiting for my wife," I answered.

She smiled at me warmly. "Knowing Athena I am surprised that she told you where she worked occasionally. Well, the money is good and you two can probably use it." She turned and walked away.

I returned to listening just in time as Athena's voice rose one level. Then higher still. There was no doubt about it. I could clearly see the bed she liked with Athena and Hunk playing their roles. When her shrieks had subsided I heard her talking to her lover, but I could not make out what was said.

I wondered if it would not be better to drive home. I could wait for her there to come home. She would come into the house from the garage not expecting to see me home. I pictured her freezing in shock, standing in the doorway, looking like a sexy slut in her miniskirt. No, I said to myself, don't let your anger and jealousy drive her away, you do love her.

I finally decided to take the plunge and at least crack the door open an inch and observe. I turned the handle and the door opened wide on its own and I was face to face with Athena. She was leaving the set and was animatedly talking to a male companion on her left. She did not see me until she had bumped into me hard.

By reflex her mouth opened for an apology, but no sound came out. We stood for a split second pressed to each other before I took a step back leaving her standing in the doorway just staring at me with big, round eyes.

Her next reaction was a laugh that could be heard through the entire building. And after she had collected herself she kissed me hard and then introduced me to Hunk, her co worker.

hE shook my hand and congratulated me for having such a talented wife who could supply any voice-over any studio might need.